Peer Review by insearchofmymeadow (United States)

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Trapped...?

By: The Ravenclaw Dragon


    When you're trapped, aren't you supposed to feel alone?
    I felt the desolation.
    Aren't you supposed to feel fear?
    The steel walls sent shivers down my spine.
    Or fury?
    Flashbacks blurred my vision.
    Or sorrow?
    Memories of the past.
    Shouldn't you try to escape?
    My fist rested on the ground.
    Or scream?
    The only sound was my heartbeat.
    Shouldn't the darkness terrify you?
    Light seemed like a distant fairy tale.
    Aren't you supposed to feel... trapped?
    I reached above me, where the low ceiling hung.
    Then why does it feel so...
    In the darkness, I smiled.
    ...free?

97 words.

Message to Readers

A-review-for-a-review!


Peer Review

The title, plus the "review for a review" subtitle, which I hope means what I think it does! Besides that, the first line feels terribly relatable immediately and makes me want more of the story. Why are they asking this at all? Does someone feel trapped? Or worse, are they supposed to feel so, and aren't?
It made me quickly rethink the idea of being "trapped."


The last four lines shook me, and made me understand (as well as question) the deeper meaning behind the story. The narrator appears sane, or at least average as the story progresses, and when it is revealed that they don't feel the sense of being trapped, the reader is forced to question their idea of the story all around.


The story itself may run smoother if the tense was changed from past to present.
Ex. "The only sound is my heartbeat... In the darkness, I smile."
It would add a sense of urgency to the story, as if we are in the moment with the narrator, suffering with them.
I also think that more description of the surroundings could be used to help draw the reader in, and help them picture the settings while reading.


This is so good, and a thrilling read! This is already such a fun and terrifying story, despite the length restriction, and honestly fell into my favorite genre of fiction.
Keep going and don't let my criticism deter you from perfecting your work!


Reviewer Comments

This drew me in immediately, and I like how much you told in such a short piece! Really well done.