Eblinn

Belgium

currently
18
she/her
CA alum

i hold on to quotes for my dear life.
i hope you have a wonderful day <3

Message to Readers

reviews are really appreciated!
is it too vague? can you tell what it's about?

Black-eyed peas

August 8, 2022

he's limping in his runners. worn by generations of people he doesn't know, the street feeds on his rubber soles. and when the air smokes up and the day bellows, he sits crosslegged.

coffee cup spills empty on the floor. dimes roll in the gutter. his hands scramble. they trample. 

it's their money. their pumps, boots, sneakers, ankles. sometimes they trip over his living. being. in their gaits he tastes loneliness, heartbreak, sunken thoughts. but also carelessness. and disgust. to stump his filth out of their eyes.

his feet, always numb. his bruises he cools with their coins.


 
word count: 98
August 8th, 2022

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9 Comments
  • Yuji

    A better poem than a flash fiction piece, but it doesn’t make a little less interesting and awe-inspiring.
    Good luck at uni! I am still waiting for confirmation from university.


    about 2 months ago
  • Solus

    Is this from a perspective of a beggar? There’s so much intense emotion in this I love it. I’ll write all my comments here since a review might reach u late.
    Firstly I love the physical perspective of the piece, which is the floor. Very symbolic. And how u make the slow realisation dawn on the reader that this is a person who is in need, who is in pain, is masterful.
    I also think however, you’re facing the same problem as I did, which is that this is not a poem. (I had a hard time even reaching anywhere close to the word limit) And this is just a suggestion, but i think following grammar rules, as much as this pains me, like upper case before a full stop and a few more coherent sentences would make the whole piece flow better. But please please keep a few!! Especially those in the second paragraph. The choppiness of them feels like literal footsteps stomping all over the words, bruising them. Overall this is definitely an interesting piece!!


    about 2 months ago
  • Solus

    Hi!! It’s okay, take your time with replying :)
    Damn I forgot what I asked too
    Going to Sweden, or any Nordic country, would be such a dream. Funnily enough, the only time I’ve heard of lingonberry was in cartoons. Do they taste like raspberries? On the topic of languages, I just watched this super interesting documentary (aired for this year’s National Day, I think) on Singlish, our “National language”. It was on its role and importance, especially post COVID. how do you celebrate National Day? Also, National Day has got me patriotic all of a sudden lol, but rn as a student, it’s difficult to think much about my contribution to the country etc etc past my stupid exams which is happening basically one after another until November. This is coming from someone who is hyper stressed but still somehow manages to do just the bare minimum for the past five days. I’m so angry at myself :/

    I think we do have free will. I mean, is our consciousness the same thing as our brain, with all its chemical messengers and hormones? But ultimately, its what we choose to hear, and what we choose to act on. But maybe if it’s extended into the sphere of.. ig society and societal rules and standards and expectations, I don’t think a normal person wld be willing to hold on to free will as much as achieving success or gaining recognition. What do you think?
    I think our school terms work differently, I’m seven weeks into mine and dying. BUT NEVER MIND THAT! EBLINN HOW HAVE U BEEN?? When does Uni start for u? R u planning to get a part time job?


    about 2 months ago
  • kentuckygirl

    idk why i put re at the beginning lol


    about 2 months ago
  • kentuckygirl

    re: hii! could you take a look at my piece butterfly wings dont breathe (FOOTNOTES)
    i have the original version and the edited version and i was wondering if you could see which is better?


    about 2 months ago
  • kentuckygirl

    re: yes!! thats what i thought. this is beautifully vague. i love the imagery
    (also, thank you!)


    2 months ago
  • kentuckygirl

    this is beautifully written.
    is he homeless? is that what this is about? lol


    2 months ago
  • experimentaldirtcoffins

    I really love your descriptions, but I can’t really tell what it’s about. Who’s they?


    2 months ago
  • magpies in may

    The descriptions are stunning! Good luck in the competition!


    2 months ago