a letter to the boy i loved first

this is a letter to my first love,
the boy with the big smile and a pretty laugh
the boy who would hold my hand when I cried
the boy who loved me
 
this is not a letter to the boy he became
the boy with an unexplainable hatred for me
the boy who pushed me away when I needed him
the boy who never loved me
 
sometimes i miss who he used to be
but there is no use missing a fire that has already burnt
and so i stand this letter clutched in my hand
missing the boy i loved first